Opthalmologist yesterday (annual checkup) declared no eye damage from mercury or diabetes. She expressed doubt that visual blurring is due to mercury. Not a very communicative person, my confidence level is not high on that level.

Had to return Amalgam Illness, Andy Cutler's book (1999) to the library as others' are waiting to read it. Will see his website for updates, 13 years is a long time in health news, many things will have changed since he wrote this book. It's packed full of information on diagnosing and treating mercury illness. I took notes and photocopied some pages to study.

Legs felt very heavy walking yesterday, had to push myself to do errands. Between bad air at the opthalmologist's office tower and photocopying a long time, over half an hour (sharp abdominal muscle pain and headache from that), feeling wiped out today, the usual:  can't get going, wander around in a daze, can't think or concentrate, energy low, in and out of bed. So frustrating! Things I want to do and cannot. At the same time, good training in Letting Go!

It is wonderful reading about others' experiences of these very things in Cutler's book. He gives lots of good descriptions of what it's like when mercury poisoned, with a compassionate, understanding view and good tips on how to cope. It is a relief to not feel so strange and alone, to be able to have things make sense after years - decades! - of confusion, self-doubt and mystery. I am not imagining things, like exercise intolerance - asthma, weakness, and just feeling ill at ease and reluctant or unwilling to move forcefully - this is the mercury mobilizing, body is saying 'don't do it!'. Cutler recommends exactly what I have felt intuitively the need to do, go gently, do a little at a time, rest well for long periods afterwards, avoid overexertion.

Muscle strength was better this past summer, could turn over my entire garden plot myself, whereas 2 years ago needed a helper. I attribute that to several things:  less exposures by avoiding groups and being inside buildings, therefore less sinusitis thus less tainted Bi Yan Pian, fewer amalgams as gradually been having old ones replaced and new cavities filled with composites, since 2001 or so - despite my old dentist's avowal that mercury was safe, I insisted on it - thank Goodness!  Maybe some improvements came from Environmental Doctor's treatment (despite some allergens) of vitamins, minerals, liver cleanse (Unda homeopathic) 3x/year; whether chelators he used were a help or a harm I'm not sure yet, opinions vary on this and my results are mixed, but overall there has been steadily improving energy and feelings of well-being. Much of it must be just because of getting good sleeps since starting CPAP for sleep apnea in 2009.

Better nutrition and exercise (walking, bicycling, gardening, summer swimming) means my body is better able to handle and excrete toxins. Also many alternative treatments:  Hielkunst homeopathy has given many excellent reliefs and energy boosts, Body Talk, reflexology since Jan./10, Psych K, daily Reiki, Therapeutic Touch, crystals. And of course spiritual support, prayers and treatments by friends in and out of the body.

Here's the dilemma. I was more physically active last summer and eating nutritiously so I lost some weight. Then mental mercury symptoms arose -  some incidents of being unable to comprehend speech, unable to speak, either at all or strange stammering, along with increasing Alzheimer-like behaviour - extreme forgetfulness, absent-mindedness, inability to direct myself. So weight loss is a problem in releasing mercury. But I had what I believe was angina last month, extra weight is a burden on the heart and worsens diabetes. Don't know how to resolve it. When in trouble:  pray! See what comes.

Happy that today is a snow storm blustery day, can stay in and 've(d)ge' without guilt! When my brain can't get into gear I like to practice piano with no agenda, listen to Abraham Hicks recordings on the Art of Allowing, or just watch the clouds go by, allowing myself to rest, take a sabbatical, do nothing. And pray, enjoy feeling the nearness of God, an awareness that comes and goes and keeps me hopeful.

Tomorrow, appointment with Naturopathic doctor to go over supplements (again, it's a huge learning curve, complex), so after another rest period will review previous session notes, make a list of questions, prepare myself for the phone counselling.